19 year old undergraduate Andrew Caplin has expressed his confidence that his new course will eventually lead him to paid employment.

The Salford University student began the 3 year course last September, and despite all evidence to the contrary, he still believes that his degree is a worthwhile one.

“The teachings of Plato and Aristotle are still very important in the modern day so i’m sure that, once i’m an expert, employers will be queuing round the block to hire me”, said Caplin will misplaced smugness.

Caplin recently completed his first year exams by sitting in his flat, smoking weed and contemplating the nature of an exam – he earned a 2:1 despite not actually turning up to a single assessment.

Students are increasingly being put off putting themselves through university on account of being charged more than the national debt of Greece for a 3 year degree, and are now being encouraged to sit quietly in a corner and die quietly.

But Caplin is optimistic about his future – having had a lot of time to think about it – and thinks his degree will stand him in good stead when he starts job-hunting.

“I see people in the country that sit on their arses and do nothing all day so i’m sure my philosophy degree will set me right up for that. Atleast I can contemplate the futility of life while eating cereal for dinner for the third night in a row”.