Adult pornography video websites are facing a crisis after the usual tossers switch over to women’s beach volleyball

Popular porn websites such as RedTube, Pornhub, BumholeVsFist and BBC Radio 4 Adult Audio Service are expecting a turbulent month as most regular viewers are instead using the woman’s beach volleyball highlights as alternative sexual stimuli. With the opening match of Rio Olympics airing earlier this morning, it has been estimated that over 40 million viewers tuned-in to strum off over Brazilian duo Larrisa França and Talita Antunes bashing around their own sand-encrusted balls.

Wankers have argued that the ladies beach volleyball provides a perfect opportunity for one to feel patriotic, marvel at fine athleticism and be able to self-gratify simultaneously. It is presumed that combination of naughty but necessary skimpy costumes, back sweat, and the occasional glimpse of protruding labia creates such erotic footage that many viewers actually feel they are watching a well-directed pornographic movie.

However, while many are rejoicing at the accessibility and availability of this ‘sand porn’ thanks to the BBC’s red button service, others feel that the risk of unintentionally spotting a rogue Clare Balding makes the transition unfavourable.

Ryan Smith, a complete tosser from Hartlepool, emailed BFNN to say ‘While usually I enjoy nothing more than tugging off my veiny Bratwurst to a sweaty, foul-mouthed lesbian, masturbating over Clare Balding is something that I cannot and will not put myself through.’

In light of the BBC’s extended coverage of the sport, RedTube are set to announce the forced redundancy of 20 porn stars, further illustrating other negative consequences of this new trend.