The ongoing postal worker strike has greatly improved the quality of Royal Mail’s services, it was heard today.

An inquest discovered that the lack of incompetent staff has lead to a staggering upsurge in people not losing their fucking post, and has come at the perfect time for the busy Christmas period.

Whilst Postman and woman Pat and Patsy stand in the cold moaning about pensions, people will be able to enjoy reading Christmas cards from far-away relatives before May and not have their precious gifts Amazon Prime’d to Albania.

Off the back of the strike, the Royal Mail are debating whether or not to make the lack of workers a permanent move, in a last ditch move to not be hived off to Branston and be re-branded “Virgin Mail”.  Something which you were until you were 23, reader, you loser.

With moronic staff not around to fuck with everyone’s Christmasses this year, people are to be forced to send cards this year and not pretend they got “lost in the post”.