Roy Hodgson pictured happy and relaxed this week as the enjoys his last few days as England manager.
Speaking to our correspondent from the England training camp after the dismal draw with Putin FC, Roy explained that he was looking forward to some more disappointing draws over the next few England games, in order for him to get the sack quickly and begin his long-overdue retirement.
“I’ve set the team up 4-5-1” revealed the England boss “I’ll play overweight and over-the-hill striker Wayne Rooney as the blunt tip of a defensive diamond, with James Milner and Jordan Henderson in the traditional ‘frustrating midfielder’ roles previously held by Lampard and Gerrard – I’ve told them it’s essential that they mustn’t pass to each other”
“It’s also really important that exciting players like Vardy don’t get in the team, I’ve booked some time on the golf course from late June so it would be really inconvenient if we qualified out of the group stages.”
When asked if England have been practising penalties, Roy explained that the plan was not to overthink things, the players have already decided whose turn it is to miss the spot-kicks, with the lucky few able to reach the true goal of every England player: to cry on prime time TV.
“We did a sweep-stake in training” said dandruff-free goalie Joe Hart “and I got Wales. I might just look the other way on a few Gareth Bale free kicks and let them beat us – it’ll be mad bantz back in the team hotel afterwards!”
“Harry Kane drew England as his sweepstakes team – that’s £10 he’s never going to see again – gutted mate!”