Stories have reached Britain from The Orient of a new chocolate bar that will soon be making its way over to our shores, calling itself the Chinese Wispa.
Cadbury introduced the Wispa way back in 1981 before and instantly it became a signature favourite with the nation’s fatties. In 2003 it was discontinued and replaced by yet another variety of Dairy Milk. However, in 2008, after many important and successful campaigns, including one where a man lathered himself in chocolate and set himself on fire in front of Buckingham Palace, it was announced the Wispa would return. Such was the jubilation that the world was instantly made better and everything has been spiffing since.
Now though, the crafty Chinese have announced they have made their own version of the beloved and very British chocolate bar. Wispas already come in various forms, including: the bog standard aerated bar; the Wispa gold; the Wispa biscuits and the Wispa duo, but none so far have included soy sauce, shredded dog or Communism.
Early reports are sketchy as to what the new bar may include, with minimal information being leaked by the manufacturing company insider, though bonafide British choco scoffers have already expressed their displeasure at the thought of a foreign immigrant taking our jobs.
“I for one won’t be trying it”, said Madge, a retired racist, 83 of Dorset. “British chocolate should be eaten by British people. We don’t need the Chinks [SIC] coming over here thinking they can do the job better than us. Cadbury make the best stuff and you know why that is? They’re English”.
We declined to tell the old bag that Cadbury are owned by Kraft who are American but fuck her anyway.