Yesterday, Group B despots Russia were dumped out of the 2016 UEFA Euro Championships after gaining only a meager 1 point from 3 games – a point that, shamefully, could only be mustered against Roy Hodgson’s dreary England side.
The drubbing was made all the more embarrassing by being handed a 3-0 whooping in the last round of Group B matches by farmyard fodder, Wales, who have mystified all by actually being half decent.
Great things were expected of Putin FC during the tournament, with even his sports’ minister’s life residing on a lengthy cup run.
However, the reason for the drab results seems to have stemmed from the team inadvertently taking only hooligans away to France instead of a national football team.
“We did wonder, when we got them into training, why all they wanted to do was fight”, said coach Ivor Bollokov. “A load of them turned up wearing balaclavas and scarves and chanting tribal songs. We didn’t know if it was just their way of getting pumped.”
“Turns out we had accidentally brought a load of hooligans away with us and left the actual team in the terminal. They had been looking round duty free and must have lost their way. It’s so embarrassing.”
The mishap seems to explain poor performances against Wales, Slovakia and England, and even more so when the night-time activities of some of the ‘players’ are factored in.
Reports suggest that many of the players who held England valiantly to a 1-1 draw last week were spotted smashing up English bars later in the evening, leading to them being “too fucked” for training the next day.