The European Council of Satirists met this week for their bi-annual conference in Brussels and the one topic on everyone’s agenda? The comedic opportunities offered by Donald Trump becoming President.

“We all hope Trump gets in” said Baz Huntley-Worthlesston, current chairman of the ECS “As satire writers, we’re all Oxbridge-educated wet liberals who vehemently disagree with his loopy views… but the joke opportunities this man has given us are tremendous. The prospect of an extreme right wing, ultra -capitalist zealot bringing down civilisation seems worth it for some of the great stuff we can share across social media”

Part one of the seminar discussed how to write satire based on Trump’s appearance, popular opinion being that his weird thatch of hair had been fully explored across the last few months, but that his double chin, manila tan and tiny eyes have barely been mocked at all so far. After a break for brunch the council gathered to discuss puns based on ‘Trump’ being slang for the passing of methane gas through the anus.

“We’ve not even begun to really start writing about his bonkers policies” added Huntley-Worthlesston, between sips of chilled Bristol sherry. “When he gets control of the nukes and starts wiping out countries we’ve got some really vicious cartoons we can release, let’s just say he’ll be left looking pretty silly…”.

A representative from Donald Trump’s campaign was briefly available to talk to our spokesman, asking us why he should be bothered about what a load of unpaid losers were writing about him for online-only publications: “Donald Trump doesn’t care if you share negative articles about him on Facebook” we were told. “He’s a billionaire who’s about to become the most powerful man in Western civilisation, so you can get back to your grubby basement flat and write any old shit you like about him – it won’t change a thing. Suck it up bitches, America is coming back to getcha”