Great news for all the barren spinsters and lonely masturbators of the world as science is once again forced to admit frustration as it continues to struggle to find a connection between being a parent and holding a valued opinion.

For years, smug child-bearers have boasted about the plethora of wisdom and sage that a dozen sleepless nights, shitty nappies and a crayola representation of a lobotomy can bring.

But now that self-assured twattery is draining away like the tears of a joy of a couple who don’t have their mornings rent with screaming bloody murder, as the greatest minds in the field are still unable to attribute one piece of sound advice or wisdom to a new parent.

“During a debate you’ll often hear some good points being batted from side to side”, said Professor Waksin Tinibatyo. “And then someone will announce ‘well, as a parent…’ as though that instantly validates their argument”.

Well, we here at the Joe Pasquale Institute of Technology, the kind of place where we like to grow noses on koala feet rather than doing any actual difficult work, can finally confirm that the part of the brain that deals with rationality, logic and coherent thought are largely unaffected by the birth of children, and are in some cases significantly diminished.

What this will do for cunt hives like Mumsnet – an online forum made entirely from middle class bile – is yet to be seen but we are yet to hear the collective motherly response against science, and whether or not it’s time for science to start acting its age.