Chilled out city banker, Selasi Gborrmitah has decided to quit baking altogether and join the extremist Islamic State in their war against the West.
The Bake-Off reject announced the radical lifestyle change after being kicked off the BBC 1 show.
The 30 year old was booted off Great British Bake-Off during last week’s airing after producing fondant fancies straight out of the Bez Guide to Baking under the piercing gazes of haunted tree Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood – a man with the charisma of a dead dog in a bucket of piss.
After the Ghanaian’s exit, many fans speculated as to whether Selasi would return to his day-to-day banking ways and fuck baking off or whether he would carry on pleasing dough-eyed Twitter followers with more of his creamy surprises.
However, after initially announcing plans to open his own bakery, Selasi withdrew any idea of donning an apron again in favour of a head scarf, shouted “death to the west” and decided to devote his life to Islamic extremism.
The move may come as a shock to many of Gborrmitah’s fans who may have been hoping to indulge in some of his over-priced pastries and delectable doughnuts and now must fear his running into an Oxford patisserie with a bomb vest strapped to his chest.
Selasi’s sweating PR agent attempted to explain the decision:
“While some people may be surprised by Selasi’s decision to join a partisan terror cell hell bent on death and destruction, [Selasi] has always harbored a deep ill-will against Western governments and he attempted a slant at anti-American satire throughout his time with GBBO. Some of his showstoppers attempted to portray the United States’ appalling treatment of Guantanamo prisoners and their violent foreign policy”.
Whatever the outcome from Al-Selasi’s move to Daesh, one thing that is certain is that their soldiers will be more fed and maybe even a little less vengeful.