US officials have confirmed today that the world famous Statue of Liberty has done one from her customary place on Liberty Island.
The flashy statue was the result a promise made by a shitfaced French anti-slavery activist Edouard de Laboulaye to the people of America after a top night out, and then reluctantly carried through by the French to avoid a war. An iconic symbol of freedom, she carries a torch and a tablet and has a broken shackle around her ankle.
In the months since the US presidential elections, Donald Trump has gone on record to say that he would be remodelling Lady Liberty to better represent his vision of America. In her left hand the tablet will be replaced by an AK-47. The torch will be gone from her right hand, which will then be reshaped into a proud, one fingered salute to anyone vaguely brown-skinned or non-christian.
The famous verse below the statue: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” Will be edited to a simpler: “Give me your oil and other commodities, bitcheees!”
Trump has also ordered that the statue’s face to be “bigly beautified” and for her breast size to be increased to “At least an H-cup” after stating that: “I will not allow this great country to be represented by some four out of ten munter with a small rack.”
The statue is being tracked by submarines and is believed to be heading back to France, her country of origin. Unfortunately for her, the French are insistent that that garish thing has no place in their country and have promised the US that she will be immediately returned.
Donald Trump has since issued a reassurance to the American people: “We’ll get her back, no problem. I’ve already commissioned some new shackles to replace the broken one around her ankle, and I’m going to put those on her myself. She’s going nowhere.”