A stick of organic celery is the bookies favourite to take over as leader of the Green Party after Natalie Bennett handed in her resignation.
The celery is already very popular amongst Green Party voters, particularly after it was arrested at an anti-fracking demonstration last year. “We had an Australian with no political experience as leader before so a stick of celery is a move in the right direction” said a spokesperson: “It’s very important to us to have not only the first celery as leader, but also the first openly lesbian celery.”
Not all idealistic hippies are happy with the prospect, with Caroline Lucas criticising the move: “I’m not sure that the stick of celery is smug enough to be Green leader,” said the veteran MP, “I was really hoping that we would elect a Toyota Prius or some quinoa.”
The stick of celery promises to solve the housing crisis by asking landlords nicely not to put up the rents, and to regulate bankers bonuses by paying them in seeds. The celery’s views on Trident are not known, but an inside source suggests the missiles might be removed in order to make room for an allotment.
“Voting Green will always be the best well-intentioned way to waste your vote,” assured departing leader Ms Bennett, “No matter who we are led by we will be committed to dispersing the left wing cause to make sure the Tories will be in power for the next 100 years.”