The former UKIP Leader and Referendum winner, Nigel Farage, has revealed to a stunned British public that the money that until this morning was paid towards the EU will NOT go towards the National Health Service, which is universally agreed to be on its arse.
During campaigning, Farage claimed that the annual £350 million – a figure amassed by some of the industry’s best guessers – that kept EU bosses in gilded thrones could be better spent on the nation’s dwindling NHS, a claim that most likely encouraged a large number of otherwise indifferent voters to cast their’s to the Leave side.
Speaking this morning after his triumph over common sense, Nige said there must have been a “mistake” in advertising that led voters to believe the new Independent Goverment would be giving any more of a shit about the NHS.
“Well the NHS does need a lot of investment, and it’s up to the current Government to find those funds. I’m sure the Chancellor that replaces Osborne will be able to balance the books and find a few more quid for those lovely English nurses”.
When pushed on why his original pledge cannot be held, Farage told us he never meant to promise the money to the bollocksed healthcare system, just like he never meant to resign as an MP or say he was 21 on Tinder.
Farage is yet to comment on whether any of the other claims made by his side, including free puppies and endless summers, will be honoured.