Liverpudlians are delighted that The Sun Newspaper has now issued an apology to the families of those who were killed in the Hillsborough Disaster 27 years ago. The apology went as follows;

“The Sun would like to issue a deep and heartfelt soz to the families of the hooligans who died at Hillsborough, lol.”

“We were doing our best to write a fair and unbiased report on the incident, using loads of really good facts, but unfortunately our internet went down so we were unable to check some of the stuff. However, in our defence it did seem like something that would happen, as scousers are of course often known to be delightfully rambunctious.”

Gordon Sykes, the police officer who made the allegations, conceded in a recent interview that he may have mistakenly assumed that fans attending to the dying victims may have been taking pulses instead of wallets as they look very similar from a distance.

The Sun went on to ensure that there were no hard feelings by featuring a page three photo of the perky “Kelly-Anne” from Toxteth, wearing a bewildered smile and an Everton supporters scarf. They are also offering all Liverpudlians a generous 20% discount on the newspaper throughout the remainder of April.

The UK public are waiting with interest to see what measures will now be taken to bring to justice those responsible for the horrific incident and the resulting cover-up. The results of further investigations are due to be released in early 2043.