A noted chemical incident – which on Friday led to the evacuation of London City Airport and over 20 people requiring medical treatment – was caused by a rogue edition of The Sun, it was confirmed today.
The newspaper in question was found abandoned in a passenger lounge by police during their post-evacuation search of the area, but CCTV reveals the rag being read by a commuter waiting for his flight back to The Good Old Days.
Flights from London City Airport resumed later that evening after the toxic substance had been taken away and safely destroyed, but airport security have been told to remain on high alert to prevent further copies of the bigoted, xenophobic guide to tits from being sneaked in.
The incident is not yet being treated as terrorist-related, despite The Sun’s right-wing lean and stance on migrant children.
However, appearances of The Sun are not being treated as isolated events, and similar suspect packages have been noted appearing countrywide for a number of years (though Liverpool seems to be immune). Upon exposure, victims are remarked as feeling light-headed and irascible with a penchant for worthless celebrity gossip and a stunted hatred for foreigners.
A spokesperson for the MET Police has warned users of public transport to be aware of any suspicious reading activity and to report any incidents where they may come into close contact with a The Sun ogler.