A teenager has been celebrating with his friends after catching Chlamydia without even downloading the Pokemon Go app.

Seventeen year old Jordan Turret of South Shore, Blackpool believes that he caught the popular Pokemon on holiday in Zakynthos whilst on holiday with his Mandem.

He admitted that he downloaded the app after getting mortal on the first night, and denied all suggestions that he may instead have accidentally downloaded “STI GO,” an even newer craze from America which directs skanky disease-riddled morons towards other skanky disease-riddled morons in order to “catch ’em all.”

“I was so excited, I just set off searching. I remember being really surprised that there were so many around, the whole of Zakinthos was proper riddled with them. There were seven Chlamydia in Sizzle Club, two Syphilis in Jammin Bar, a Trichomoniasis in the foyer of the Blue Conch Hotel, and a Hepatitis B in the alleyway behind Argassi’s Kebabs. I went everywhere trying to find them but they never actually showed up on my phone screen, all I ever saw were ropey looking bints or vaping chavs.

Eventually I just gave up and took one of the pissed birds back to my hotel. I thought nothing of it until a couple of months later when I realised that I caught one of the Chlamydias. I’ve got no clue how it happened. I would have preferred Syphilis cos they’re rarer but i’m still chuffed to bits”.