Pope Francis has today announced that British Prime Minister Theresa May will be canonised and henceforth be known as Saint Theresa.

Many have questioned Saint Theresa’s eligibility for saint-hood given that one of the major deciding factors is evidence of a miracle or miracles. Although a spokes person for the Vatican claimed this was actually rather straightforward. Bishop Patrick O’Buggery told BFNN…

“In the case of Saint Theresa of Eastbourne the evidence of a miracle was too obvious to ignore. The fact that someone can become Prime Minister of Great Britain without a single vote being cast is pretty miraculous.”

The sainthood of Theresa May is unique in that she will be the first to be sainted while still alive, as all previous saints have bee appointed posthumously. However yet again O’Buggery was able to clear things up.

“Yes it is true that someone has to be dead in order to become a saint, but we don’t have to take things quite to literal. With a potential removal of the Human Rights Act and possibility of a dismantled NHS along with extended austerity it is quite clear that Saint Theresa is dead inside and she no longer has a human soul.

To show that there is no party favouritism the Pope has also stated he would be will to make Ed Balls a saint, should he win Strictly Come Dancing.