Theresa May’s stint as Prime Minister has already run into trouble as her newly built cabinet was today recalled due to shitty workmanship.
Her Ikea-style cabinet, Coöntz, has been labelled a health and safety nightmare after it was found to contain at least 14 loose screws, and the two short planks supporting the sides were a terrifying eight times thicker than necessary.
The Prime Minister is also rumored to have mislaid a bag of hammers during the construction of the cabinet, which later turned up in the role of Foreign Secretary, to the bewilderment of neighbouring countries.
Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn has voiced strong concerns about the poor quality of the cabinet, but it was quickly pointed out that he is in no place to criticize as he spends his days sitting on Diane Abbot in a room otherwise devoid of furniture.
He was also later found to be responsible for the dangerous cabinet by reliable un-named MPs who absolutely do not stand to gain anything from his political demise. The sources have assured our reporter that there was loads of important stuff that he totally failed to do, as well as some proper psycho shit he chatted when all recording equipment was switched off.