Just so we’re all singing from the same Hymn sheet, it’s this, right?
The national narrowly voted for Brexit, something that hasn’t been taken likely by the world stage, mostly by the Germans. And by the Germans, I mean Angela Merkel. And by Angela Merkel, I mean the Fuhrer of the Fourth Reich.
Following the result Prime Minister David Cameron has resigned, exactly like he said be would before the campaign trail for the 2020 General Election, except he’s decided to do it less than 18 months after he narrowly secured a Parliamentary majority for the Conservative Party, all because he didn’t think the gallant people of the United Kingdom would vote to leave the EU.
So, in true Prime Ministerial style, like his Labour predecessor before him David is running away and leaving some horribly unsuited suitor to mop up the political gunk. Except we’re not left with friendly, approachable, icy-hearted, stone-faced, thousand yards stare Gordon Brown. We’re left with Gove, Theresa May and Liam Fox (of abusing-his-ministerial-position-for-monetary-gain,-which-got-him-sacked-in-2011 fame).
Apparently, George Osborne warned David Cameron it would happen in a Mystic Meg-like premonition which might be the first thing he’s accurately predicted in the last 6 years. Now, George Osborne, the man-boy groomed to eventually take over from David Cameron and become Prime Minister has seen his chances of Prime Minister being slashed so much he might as well be Fukushima Sushi.
Post-brexit, George went radio silent for a few days before deciding everything will be ok, which is about as reassuring as a dissolvable condom due to the fact he’s campaigned for the last couple of months saying everything wouldn’t be ok. Not only is George (read: Gideon) not in the running to be Conservative Party leader, he’s essentially a political leper. He couldn’t be less popular in the House of Commons unless his name was Jeremy Corbyn.
Boris Johnson, the man who would be
King Prime Minister has announced that he no longer wants to be Prime Minister because he didn’t think the country would vote for Brexit, despite the fact he was the poster boy for the Brexit campaign. Which is a bit like championing Coca-cola only to be diagnosed with diabetes, and being pooed on by a gang of seagulls.
BoJo the political equivalent of alphabet-spaghetti, has now stepped aside to make way for all the classic childhood villains you’ve been waiting for:
Theresella de May, an evil Gail Platt doppelgänger and current Home Secretary.
The Unfantastic Liam Fox, a man who sacked from his first proper ministerial position in 2011 after abusing his position for monetary gain. I can’t trust a man that gets caught with his fingers in the till because he’s clearly not switched-on enough to do it without getting caught.
Michael Gove, a man who looks like the Dad of a kid at school who is incredibly hard work to speak to. He probably wants to talk about something serious but it’s 30 minutes until home time and you’re just thinking about watching Going Round The Twist.
Meanwhile at Labour JQ: Jeremy Corbyn, a man who secretly wanted to Brexit has been the victim of some nasty half-baked coup whereby 80% of the Parliamentary Labour Party have declared a vote a no confidence against him. Luckily for Corbs he’s got the backing of a bunch of 18-21 year-olds, which is great if they represented a sizeable portion of the electorate. Which they don’t. And all the RTs and Facebook shares in the world is not going to change that.
Also, Donald Trump is more than likely going to become President of the United States.