United States Fuhrer, Donald Trump, tweeted today about an ‘outstanding victory’ in the war against terror after managing to prise the letters I and S out of the White House computer keyboard.
“Without these integral components, ISIS can never amount to anything”, said the man himself in a Twitter tirade that contained rants against ISIS, Al Qaeda and the 1951 film The African Queen.
Trump proclaimed upon taking the reigns of power that he would begin by “ridding terror out of America” before moving onto conqueri- erm, liberating the rest of the world, a move which has seen the deportations of every Muslim, Jew, Buddhist and every man named Michael from his country.
However, political advisors have praised the vandalism to the presidential laptop as “a positive step” and one that will point the war against terror in the right direction.
Critics of Trump have pointed out that the move may prove to hinder the president if he tries to spell the word “president” in his next Google search of “How the fuck did I become president”.
Trump firmly rebutted such claims, boldly stating “I can’t spell for shit anyway so Autocheck does it all for me”.