Trump supporters today rejoiced as the Father of the rising ‘Alt Right’ movement declared he was, as promised, going to invade Poland. Having already annexed the Sudetenland earlier this month, Trump has begun to mobilise his divisions across Western Europe in order to neutralise any threat from Communists.

“I think it’s just great” said Nigel von Farage, Trump’s trusty ambassador in Thanet.

“Lefty, politically correct Europe has needed shaking up for a while now, I expect that the extermination of the hordes of Jews, gypsies, homosexuals and the disabled will bring things back to the good old 1950s. Maybe we’ll be able to have a pint of beer and a ciggie in peace now without some corrupt Brussels bureaucrat telling us we can’t bring back public lynchings.”

Trump’s invasion of Poland was celebrated using internet memes and tabloid front pages, a flag bearing the image of Pepe the Frog was raised above the presidential building in Warsaw.

“If you don’t like it then you’re a faggot, cuck, pussy who’s never even been on 4chan” said foreign secretary Boris Johnson.

Theresa May was too busy browsing Pornhub for videos featuring female ejaculation to be able to comment.

 

– Samuel Thurston