Donald Trump has revealed he will start selling insurance to paranoid Americans worried about the dangers of the Muslim faith.
The billionaire gaudy hotel owner and golf course magnate issued a statement after reading BFNN’s harrowing account of how seven Brits contracted Islam after eating halal meat.
While visiting a live bear shooting range in Lickskillet, Tennessee he said: “For too long, decent American citizens have been at risk from a radical and dangerous minority poisoning our children with their funny writing, spicy rice and belief in a God that can’t be played on screen by Charlton Heston.
“These 100% accurate stories of Brits in hospital really concern me. And not only because our terrible healthcare system ain’t free.
“We offer a comprehensive package that protects right-minded folk against turban blindness, Koranic distress and third-degree Mohammed burns.”
Spokessheikh for the increasingly bulletproof Baltimore Organization of Ordinary Muslims (BOOM), Ali Davidson, hit out at the new measures, claiming they were a “fucking disgrace”.
He said: “If Trump wants to insure against Muslims, I want insurance against a bigoted fuckwit with a Napoleon complex and a hairspray bill bigger than the GDP of Kazakhstan.
“Islam is perfectly safe for anyone to be exposed to. Unless you’re a kleptomaniac alcoholic female nudist in Saudi Arabia that is.”
Trump will also offer insurance for wives being looked at by fat Mexicans, cowboys who accidentally marry ugly women and those being shot by anyone who isn’t member of the NRA.