Unelected Prime Minister Theresa May visited partially elected President Donald Trump this week to discuss British and American relations.

Mrs May was extremely happy with the relationship stating:

“America is Britain’s oldest, largest and sexiest alley, but we are more than just allies, we are friends. This friendship comes with many economic benefits, in many respects, we are friends with benefits.”

When asked about Mr Trump specifically she replied:

“He was very charming and has some sound ideas, he can grab me by the pussy any time!”

US Press Secretary and former BFFN reporter, Sean ‘Alternative Facts’ Spicer, also answered questions on the new UK and US ‘Friends with Benefits’ relationship, stating:

“It’s the kind of relationship where Britain can come round to see America any time it likes, order a pizza, bitch about France, watch some Netflix, f**k like rabbits, then bang out a trade deal, without any strings or commitments. We don’t want Canada getting all jealous about it.”

With many of the questions about a new trade deal, Mr Spicer was asked if the UK had thrown in extras to sweeten the deal, to which he responded:

“We have been given Boris Johnson, dressed in leather chaps, covered in baby oil and with a full bladder. Needless to say The President is very pleased.”

So, people of Britain, be on standby for 2am texts from America saying “U up?”

-Simon James