‘Hard’ English football fans were given a proper lesson in savagery by actual Russian thugs on Saturday night in Marseille.
After three days of light-hearted hooliganism in the French seaside city, the lagered-up louts were given a royal pasting by men who have spent the last few years fighting in the Russian Militia.
England’s Instagram badmen, mostly originating from roughneck suburban areas such as Welwyn Garden City and Stevenage, have been proving to the world that England are menacing both on and off the pitch.
Unfortunately, after three days of launching plastic bottles at French school children, numerous tuneless renditions ‘God Save our Queen’ and severe burning of pasty beer-bellies, England fans were reminded that hooliganism is best left to those who don’t spend the rest of the year sipping tea and forming orderly queues.
It is predicted that England fans will now spend the next few days nursing their bruises and feeling sorrow for themselves, before being further taunted on Thursday by a nation that regularly copulate with farm animals.