Hilary or Bernie? Trump or any of those other guys? Who won the last primary? What is a Caucus?

These are all questions I truly do not care about, and you shouldn’t either. The British media continually pump the 11 months prior to the US general election into our eyeballs through television and our laptops. Unforgivable however, was a particular BBC news alert. These alerts are reserved, in my mind, for the deaths of royalty and war being declared. This particular alert though, that I received at one o’clock in the morning, was because Donald Trump had won the New Hampshire primary with a landslide.

What? I stared at my phone incredulously. Is this where we are now? Britain has apparently become such a non participant in world events that we’re just borrowing the election cycles of other countries and passing it off as news.

The really disappointing part of this all, is that this isn’t even the election. This is just a contest to decide who gets to assault our optic nerves all the way to November.

The US president doesn’t affect the UK in any appreciable way. ‘Well, he’s in charge of the most powerful country on the planet, so it must have some effect on us’ you say. Except that just isn’t the case, we’ve seen 8 years of a president with no majority in congress being unable to make any substantial change, and the changes they have made, are domestic and have no effect on the way Britain operates day to day.

We carry on taking an active part in US elections through our media however, because we can all pretend like it does matter to us, so we can justify our morbid fascination with it all. So we can all post memes of how stupid Donald Trump is, or get behind the socialist hero that is Bernie Sanders, but it won’t make a lick of difference once the next ineffectual sycophant is voted into office by people whom the only thing you have in common with is a basic grasp of the same language.