Sam Allardyce’s role as England manager seems to be under threat despite not even officially yet being appointed.
FA officials are reported to be “disgruntled” by the Sunderland manager’s lack of wins, and also the quality of performances since taking charge.
Allardyce has a long, illustrious history of mid-table mediocrity, where his 6th placed finishes and defensive, long ball mentality curried favour when the time came to replace Pudsey after he spectacularly bowed out of Euro 2016 at the cost of a supermarket chain.
FA Chairman, Greg Dyke (no not that one) explained the appointment
“What Allardyce brings to the table is…well he usually brings a large bag of chips… but what he brings in football terms is overwhelming assurance that we’ll do fuck all of any note in the next World Cup. With Capello, McLaren and (for some reason) Hodgson, England fans got way too into it. Atleast with Big Sam we know we’ll be finishing 7th in anything we compete in”.
Despite Dyke’s backing, however, Allardyce has come under fire after failing to win a single game since being appointed ‘in principle’ on Wednesday.
“With 0 wins from 0 games it’s just not good enough”, explained specialist in obvious, Michael Owen. “For England to win some games, we’re going to have to score more goals than the other teams we play against. And under Sam we’re just not doing that. I think what we need to do is play a match and just win it. If we win every match then we can’t possibly lose.”