A recent independent study by conniving cash-lenders Wonga has revealed that people with more money were happier, healthier and have better sex-lives.

The study found that people who received loans from the high-interest loan company were seemingly happier than those who were denied loans. The phone based-survey, which questioned the 57 people who did not instantly hang up, was conducted between April 2014-15. Although the results have yet to be verified by anyone outside Wonga, the findings appear to contradict previous theories on the concept of happiness. Wonga’s chief analyst, Raul Tarif, explained their findings to BFNN.

Our survey clearly indicates that money is of quintessential importance to happiness. Homeless people often appear sad and depressed, whereas our customers who received cash loans appear to be much happier, albeit temporarily.”

Furthermore, the study indicated that people with money could afford healthier food and access to sports facilities. Wonga also told us that customers who received loans, and were bribed with considerably reduced loan interest rates, admitted that receiving their loans lead to an increase in their sex drive.

Wonga hypothesise that a healthy bank balance causes a reduction in the hormone melatonin, which increases your sex drive. However, no scientist we spoke to were able to verify this claim.